I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize