So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Life is so much better after having sex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
