I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize