my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
