It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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