whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i believe in u and ur pee
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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