i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
