Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
