hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
