I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize