I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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