after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
