When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
