True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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