You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
