Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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