I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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