How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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