Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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