On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
