Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
