Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
