I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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