Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
