seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize