I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
