When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
