it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize