i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
