I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
