Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
