Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
