i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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