sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
