Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
