I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
