Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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