I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
