i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize
