she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize