I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize