He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
