toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize