We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
