whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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