yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
