He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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