I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
