goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
