Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
my liver is dry heaving
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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