btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
