chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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