you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
