He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
