I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
