Did you just see the Batmobile???
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
