Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
