I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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