i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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