I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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