Don't you send me to vm
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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