Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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