Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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