Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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