Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
