after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
