her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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