Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love having hate sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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