she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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