I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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