yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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