I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
